Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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