He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
