If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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