I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
