You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
