I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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