He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
