Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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