I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
