Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
