yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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