OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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