Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
