Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think my mom watched the whole time
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Text me some of your sweat
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
