I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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