i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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