Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
