based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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