Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
