Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
