I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
