My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
