I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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