Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
