hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
