***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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