I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
