The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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