We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
