Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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