20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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