dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
