Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
