Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
