My first STD was from a foam party
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What a dumb baby whore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
