Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
