After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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