Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
