i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
