I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
