i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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