are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
