dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
