I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't think brook has ever known best
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
