My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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