I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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