Please, let me fuck your mom
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
