So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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