Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There r osticjed everywhere
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
