Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
