I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
