if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
